The holidays can be a challenging time for trans, non-binary and gender diverse children and young people. Extended family gatherings can bring increased use of their former name, misgendering, and intrusive questions. Social media comparisons, family photos, and gendered traditions may trigger dysphoria. But with preparation and active support, you can help the trans young person in your life navigate this season safely.
Before the holidays: prepare together
Have open conversations with your young person. Ask which family events feel safe and which feel stressful. Find out how you can support them at gatherings and what would make the holidays more comfortable. Listen without judgment: their emotional safety matters more than family tradition.
Set boundaries with extended family. Before gatherings, communicate clearly about your child’s name, pronouns, and identity. Make it clear that misgendering or using their former name won’t be tolerated. Your child needs to know you’ll advocate for them.
Create an exit strategy. Work with your child to develop a code word or signal that means they need to leave. Give them permission to step away to a quiet space without explanation and agree on a reason to leave early, if needed.
During the holidays: be their advocate
Actively correct misgendering and name. When someone uses the wrong name or pronouns, correct them immediately: “It’s [correct name], actually” or “We use [correct pronouns] for [name].” Don’t wait for your child to correct people themselves, it puts an unfair burden on them.
Shield your child from inappropriate questions. Step in and redirect intrusive questions about healthcare decisions or body changes: “That’s not something we’re going to discuss today” or “Those questions are inappropriate. Let’s talk about something else.” Your child should never have to defend their existence at a family gathering.
Affirm their presentation and expression. Use their name frequently and naturally in conversation. Compliment their outfit or style. Take family photos they’ll feel comfortable with. Small acts of affirmation can make a significant difference.
Create safe spaces. Ensure your child has access to a quiet room where they can decompress, bathrooms they can use comfortably and safely, and supportive family members they can talk to.
Give-giving with affirmation in mind
Ask your child directly what they’d like rather than assuming based on gender stereotypes. Support their identity through thoughtful gifts like clothing that matches their style, items related to their interests, or gift cards to stores they love. Remember, a gift should bring joy, not highlight discomfort with body or identity.
Validate their feelings
Your child’s feelings about the holidays are valid. Avoid minimizing their concerns with phrases like “It’s just one day” or “They mean well.” Instead, try: “Your feelings make sense,” “I’m sorry this is hard,” or “Your comfort and safety matter most.”
When family isn’t safe
Sometimes, the most loving choice is to limit or avoid contact with unsupportive family members. If relatives refuse to respect your child’s identity, consider declining invitations, hosting your own celebration with chosen family, or creating new traditions that centre your child’s wellbeing. Your child will remember that you chose them over maintaining relationships with people who couldn’t accept them.
Transcend will be closed over the holiday break
Transcend closes for a break on 23 December 2025 and reopens on 8 January 2026. During this time, our team won’t be available for enquires or support. Wishing you and your family and chosen family a safe and affirming holiday season. We look forward to supporting you in the new year.
Where to get support over the holidays
If you or your child needs urgent assistance while we are on break, please contact:
- QLife: 1800 184 527 (3pm-midnight daily)
- Lifeline: 13 11 14 (24/7)
- Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 (24/7, for ages 5-25)
